Cast the first stone
by verden
Summary: Peter is put under pressure by Ken - can he keep his affair with Carla secret?
1. Chapter 1

**Cast the first stone**

_I wanted to try something a bit different, so although this is about Peter/Carla, she's only directly in it briefly. __It's based on events up to the first week of January, but isn't based on any spoilers: I just thought it would be an interesting angle to explore…_

"Enjoy the panto then, Si"

Standing at Ken and Deirdre's front door and bracing himself against the cold, Peter made sure that Simon's scarf was fastened tightly.

"I will" Simon replied, clearly excited, despite trying to play it cool. "Why aren't you coming dad?"

"Can't today mate. But eh.." He leant over, ruffling his son's hair. "you can tell me all the best jokes when you get back"

Then taking Leanne's hand, Simon followed Deirdre, Tracey and Amy as they hurried to the tram stop.

.

Peter waved until they disappeared around the corner. Then he finally allowed himself to properly feel the disappointment he'd been hiding for hours.

Claiming a headache that morning, he'd given Deirdre his pantomime ticket - she'd jumped at the chance to go instead. The plan had only occurred to him at the last minute: he would surprise Carla with a spontaneous afternoon together.

Lately he'd thought about her more than ever, wanting to spend every minute with her, fantasising about the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin against his. With their meetings so furtive now, he longed for the freedom he'd felt that first day, walking with her in the park, believing their life together had already begun.

With the trial coming, life seemed much more complicated these days. Seeing Carla struggling so much, he wanted to put a smile on her face again. To sweep her away to somewhere they could be together publicly. To forget everything for a whole afternoon.

Then suddenly, all plans were off.

Just after he'd texted her at lunchtime, he had seen her with Michelle on the street. Exchanging a superficially casual greeting she'd touched her left ear – the signal they'd agreed to mean she had other plans and couldn't see him. Walking past, she'd sneaked a glance back, and he felt the familiar thrill as their eyes met. He longed to prove his love to her again, even as his cowardice kept them apart.

So, resenting the long and empty afternoon stretching ahead, Peter had accepted his dad's offer of a coffee instead. He knew he hadn't spent enough time with Ken lately. At least he could put that right.

.

Dejectedly walking back into the living room, he forced a smile and sat at the table as Ken poured the coffee.

Handing him a cup, his dad spoke first, lowering his voice confidentially although only the two of them were home.

"Much as I love having Tracey and Amy here, I do enjoy the quiet moments"

Peter smiled.

"Not many of them at our place either".

A short silence followed, awkwardly broken by Ken clearing his throat.

"I invited you over because I wanted to talk to you Peter. And to apologise. Before the memorial, I knew you were struggling with that speech…you told me and I didn't listen."

Peter leaned forward, trying to stop this dangerous line of conversation before it began. In this house, so mundane and ordinary, his secret seemed to weigh even more heavily on him.

"No, forget it dad. That's all in the past now…"

But Ken interrupted him.

"Let me finish, Peter. I need to say…. how proud I am of you.". His voice was slightly gruff, as if embarrassed by the sudden frankness. "That night, we were all so worried and I was angry, but I should have had more faith in you. You've been like a new man since that night."

Peter shrank awkwardly into his seat, embarrassed at the undeserved praise. If only his dad knew what – or who - had brought him back from the brink. Who made him look forward to every day again.

"Leanne said you're going to meetings more often now too. I'm so glad you're working through this together". Ken smiled benevolently.

Peter couldn't help but wince. How typical that his dad had decided now to praise him. After years where his weaknesses were centre stage, his successes barely worth a mention, his dad chose now, just as he'd made his worst transgression yet. If only he knew. Well, everyone would know soon enough.

Noticing his silence, Ken looked curious.

"Is something wrong Peter?"

"No. I mean thanks." Peter couldn't help the guilt from seeping into his voice. "I don't want to dwell on it … just taking it day by day you know. Like they say in the group."

But his words had taken him right back to the group and the evening Carla had spoken.

_How she'd stood up, fearful and trembling, breaking his heart as she told strangers she sometimes wondered if it was her fault. How she'd admitted hitting rock bottom, the pills she'd 'swallowed down like smarties', when he was too cowardly to help her. How she'd called him a good friend, when all he'd done was let her down. __And how he'd known then that he could never let her down again._

He'd thought a lot lately about how to break the news to everyone when the time came, but every word of Ken's made him realise just how hard it was going to be. Yet he'd never felt surer of anything in his life. Carla was his future now, his marriage was over, and everyone would have to understand that. After the trial.

Yet Ken still continued, oblivious.

"I know. I'm just glad you and Leanne are so happy."

Peter sighed. Would this ever end?

Pretending to need more milk, he took his mug into the kitchen. He leaned his head against the wall, closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He focused on how much Carla needed him to stay calm, and how it would all be worth it soon.

.

But when he turned round, Ken was standing there, at the kitchen door, watching him. His expression was no longer kind. He looked intently at Peter.

"There's more to this than you're saying, isn't there?"

Peter could have kicked himself for underestimating his dad again. When it came to cheating, who could be more perceptive. Staring at the floor, he tried one more time to evade the issue.

"It's fine dad. Can we just leave it?"

But Ken wouldn't be sidetracked

"Is it Leanne? Has something happened?"

Folding his arms defensively, he found himself getting angry now.

"Nothing's happened, alright".

"You can talk to me, Peter. I'll listen this time. And I can keep a secret".

Peter laughed bitterly.

"Yes, you kept Leanne's secret well enough, didn't you."

"This can't be about Nick still?" Ken sounded incredulous. "Surely we've moved past that?"

Peter shrugged, seizing on something that would be easier to admit.

"It's hard to forgive."

"But in the summer when we spoke.." Ken spoke slowly, putting the pieces together. "you said it was yourself you didn't trust. Not Leanne"

Peter couldn't conceal his shock and shame quickly enough. He tried to recover but knew from the dismay on his dad's face that it was too late. His dad's look of disappointment was as familiar to him as breathing.

"You haven't, Peter… Not an affair….?"

"I don't want to talk about this" he insisted, storming out of the kitchen, picking up his jacket to leave.

But Ken had moved to the hallway entrance, blocking the way out, his face dark with anger.

"If this is true Peter… If you've been having an affair.. since the summer."

Peter tried to put up some defence, feeble as it was.

"Not since the summer."

"So you admit it then." Ken's contempt grew. "To think I was praising you." Then it dawned on him.

"And you were with her that memorial night, weren't you. I remember how you acted the day after."

"Yes. I was." Peter finally looked his dad in the eye. "Not that you've got any right to judge me."

He continued, finding strength in finally admitting it aloud.

"I was with her that night. And I love her."

Breathing heavily, he sat down at the table again, pressing his head against his palm. He'd kept this secret for so long, it was almost a relief to be able to tell someone about it at last.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry for slow update, but here's chapter 2. Hope you enjoy & reviews always appreciated!_

As Peter sat, his head still buried in his hands, he was thinking fast. Although his secret was out, at least he had time to defend himself. His only hope was to convince his dad not to tell Leanne. Everything could still be saved.

Ken was busying himself, pouring more coffee, doing anything to avoid acknowledging Peter. The atmosphere in the room felt oppressive with judgment.

Eventually Ken spoke, his anger seemingly dissipated for now. He just sounded sad, almost resigned to another failing from his ever-disappointing son.

"I just don't understand how you could do this Peter. After everything Leanne's done for you and Simon."

Peter refused to let himself rise to it, keeping calm as he insisted.

"Can you just hear me out first?"

Although he didn't want to hurt his dad, he realised he was prepared to use any argument needed to make his point.

"I fell in love with someone else. Of all people, surely _you_ can understand."

Irritation flashed across Ken's face, but after a moment he nodded.

"I'll listen before I decide anything. But don't expect me to have any sympathy. Or to condone any of your actions."

"I guess that's fair" Peter replied. "But you'll have to get used to it soon enough"

Ken sighed.

"So it's serious then?"

"As serious as it can be. There are reasons we can't be together yet, but as soon as we can, I'm telling Leanne it's over.."

Ken looked aghast.

"You can't mean that."

Rather than answering, Peter glared at his dad, silencing him, before continuing at his own pace.

"We've been close for a long time. I tried to kid myself until last month that we were just friends. But it's been more than that for ages…"

"So who is she then?"

Peter was taken aback. Maybe he'd covered his tracks better than he realised.

"So you still don't know?"

Ken looked puzzled.

"Well you'd said she didn't live here… ". Then noticing Peter's expression, he corrected himself

"So she does. I don't know then. There were those awful allegations Frank made about you and Carla but you said that was just…." His voice faded away as Peter nodded slowly.

Ken looked at him, astonished.

"You and Carla?"

"Yes." As inappropriate as it was, Peter found himself smiling.

"I love Carla". The words sounded unfamiliar on his lips, but it was such a release finally being able to say it aloud. Then realising he needed to clarify things though, he continued.

"But I didn't even admit to myself how I felt until December. Frank was lying. The rumours were all wrong."

He stood up, speaking emphatically now, pacing across the room, knowing if he couldn't convince his own father, he'd have no chance of winning over everyone else.

"Nothing happened until months later. But that's why it needs to stay secret until after the trial. If it looks like it backs up Frank's lies, he might go free"

But turning, seeing Ken now lowering his face in his hands, Peter stopped abruptly. He realised he was rushing this.

"I am sorry dad, you know." He softened his voice.

"This isn't just some fling. Carla and I want to be together. If it wasn't for the trial, I'd have been straight with Leanne long ago. And you wouldn't have had to find out this way"

But Ken couldn't speak, obviously struggling to absorb what he'd just found out.

.

Through the silence, Peter could hear the hum of voices from the Rovers. He found himself thinking of other places he might have been now. Why hadn't he gone for a drink instead of meeting his dad? Even if he'd fallen off the wagon, it would have been less destructive than this conversation. Even the worst hangovers wear off more quickly than the truth.

He felt his throat tighten, craving a drink in a way he hadn't since he'd been with Carla. But clenching his fist tightly, drawing on all his willpower, he managed to keep control. He needed a clear head now.

Suddenly Ken spoke, interrupting his internal battle.

"I should have known it was Carla. Even at the blessing, you told everyone how she felt. "

He looked at Peter, bewilderment in his eyes, doubting if he'd ever really known his son.

"But I had no idea you felt the same…. I didn't know you were even friends."

"Like I said we were close for a long time." Suddenly realising the reason for their secret friendship wouldn't do much to reassure Ken, he moved on quickly.

"But it wasn't until July I really understood how she felt. And I was so tempted…"

Ken nodded sadly.

"I remember. But you didn't act on it then… surely that still means something?"

Peter breathed out slowly, trying to keep the rush of guilt at bay.

"I thought I could fight it."

_Suddenly his mind was back there, in the factory, as Carla prepared for her holiday. Walking in, convincing himself he was doing the right thing, he'd seen the hope in her eyes before he destroyed it. He'd finally admitted he had feelings for her, but claimed he loved Leanne more. Had he really still believed he could make something true, just by saying it._

_He thought he'd closed the door on his feelings for Carla. Blocked them out completely, as he played happy families, as Carla seemed to be making a new life for herself._

_For a while it had worked. Until suddenly he found it hadn't worked at all. When she called off the wedding and then was attacked, all his reasoning had collapsed, and his feelings were the only thing left._

With effort, he brought himself back to the conversation.

"I know now I should have left Leanne then. I would have… if I hadn't felt I owed it to Simon… if I hadn't wanted to keep my wedding vows, for once". He laughed bitterly.

Ken turned on him angrily, as if he was a spoilt kid.

"But those are both good reasons. Are you forgetting you've got responsibilities now?"

Peter resisted lashing out at Ken's tone, but couldn't help his annoyance. Was there anything Ken wouldn't forgive for the sake of Simon?

"Well, it would have saved a lot of heartache all round if I had left then."

He shuddered involuntarily, thinking of the hurt his decision had caused Carla. He knew she didn't blame him any more: she'd assured him of that. But it still pained him that with one different decision he could have saved her from all of it.

Then sighing, he acknowledged his dad's point.

"Maybe they were the right reasons, but it was still the wrong decision. Not just for me, for all of us."

"How can you say that Peter?" Ken looked at him angrily. "Leanne loves you, more than ever. And Simon needs you both"

"Because it's not just about Carla, dad" he insisted, his mind certain now. "Back then, I thought my marriage was worth saving … I don't any more."

…


	3. Chapter 3

As the revelations hit Ken one after another, he was clearly struggling to take it all in.

"Not worth saving? But until now, we thought your marriage was happy.."

"My marriage…". Peter laughed bitterly. In frustration, he suddenly needed to lash out.

"No offence dad, but I'd hardly say you and Deirdre are the best judges of happy marriage."

Ken, hurt, tried to appease him.

"Yes, we've made mistakes. And regretted them too. But we worked through it. Can't your extra meetings help? The counselling?"

Peter sighed. There didn't seem much point in prolonging the lies.

"There were no extra meetings, dad. Or counselling. Just Carla."

As the truth dawned, Ken looked disgusted.

"You make me sick. So you're not even trying to work it out?"

"I love Carla now. There's nothing to work out"

Peter folded his arms defensively, refusing to accept the hypocrisy of Ken's judgment, as his dad continued to plead.

"Just don't throw away a good relationship, like I almost did. Surely you owe us all that. At least try to keep your family together."

Despite knowing he needed his dad on his side, Peter just couldn't hold back as he unleashed his pent-up anger, the blood rushing to his head.

"How dare you! It's because of your cover-up that I'm in this mess."

Furiously, he brought his fist down on the table. Ken flinched, steadying the table as the cups shook, coffee spilling onto the surface.

But Peter had now lost all sense of proportion.

"You let me go ahead with a marriage that was all lies. Rotten before it even began. When any decent parent would have told me, you just kept quiet."

Ken looked down, but showed no regret, inflaming Peter's temper even more. With a father like this, what chance had he ever had for happiness?

"Guess you just wanted me off your hands eh. Palm me and Si off on anyone who'd have us. Forget about marriages based on trust, loyalty….." He knew how cruel, how hypocritical, he was being, but he didn't care any more.

"With your track record, doubt you even know what they mean.."

.

His words seemed to echo in the cold silence that followed. Even through the angry haze, he realised he'd gone too far. Had he lost his chance now to earn Ken's silence?

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that dad."

Ken looked him directly in the eye.

"No. You shouldn't."

On edge, waiting for Ken to continue, fearing the repercussions, Peter felt his heart pounding heavily.

Finally his dad spoke.

"I know now we shouldn't have kept it from you. But you didn't see how guilty Leanne felt, how much she regretted it."

But Peter shrugged it off.

"It wasn't your decision whether to forgive her or not. It was mine. And you never gave me the chance."

Ken changed track.

"I'm sorry, I really am, Peter. But we thought we were doing the right thing. Whatever her mistakes, she regretted them. She's given you a stable family. What about Simon? Have you really thought about what he needs?"

.

It took all Peter's restraint to keep from raising his voice again. Standing, he walked across to the window, surprised at the sun still shining. It felt like he'd been trapped in this conversation for hours. Finally he turned back to his dad.

"How can you say that? He's the reason I did stay with Leanne. I tried so hard to make it work. To forgive her. To forget Carla..."

Deep down, he knew he was over-simplifying things, but the blinding intensity of his emotion blocked out any nuances. The betrayal still tormented him, a splinter that had only worked itself deeper with the passing of time. He added bitterly.

"But I bet you she'd have left me in a heartbeat for Nick if it wasn't for Si"

Ken shook his head vehemently, about to interrupt, but Peter spoke over him, pacing around the room.

"A year of marriage, and we've both been in love with other people. Both of us only stayed together for Simon."

He sat down again, sadly.

"I don't call that a marriage - that's a parenting arrangement!"

Ken sighed.

"But Simon sees her as his mum… He needs her."

Rolling his eyes in contempt, Peter lashed out again.

"So here's the lecture on good parenting eh.? The dad I barely knew when I was Si's age….

Ken finally looked ashamed.

"I got a lot of things wrong then. I admit that. But I was trying to do what was best for you."

"If Susan and I had even had one parent….. " Peter continued, his emotions raw. Then pulling himself out of self-pity, he tried to reason with Ken.

"Look dad. I've done everything I can to give Simon a stable home. But it's not working. This way, he'll still have Leanne. And he'll have me and Carla too. He'll have three parents who care about him."

For a moment he felt he was finally getting through to Ken. Then the onslaught continued.

"What kind of stepmother will Carla be though?"

"She'll be great" he insisted, bristling at the implied criticism. It still surprised him how many people seemed to realise Carla's tough act was just that. But honestly, if it hadn't been for the drinking, would he have known either?

"She's Ryan's aunt – he thinks the world of her. And so does little Liam. And anyway what did Leanne know at the start? She picked it up, and I know Carla will too. She's a successful woman. And Si already likes her"

Ken sighed.

"It's a hell of a gamble you're taking."

"Maybe a little bit" he admitted. "But I know how I feel, and she makes me happy. And Leanne doesn't any more. That's the truth, whether you like it or not"

"Believe me I don't". Ken's response was swift and heartfelt.

Despairing, Peter turned away.

"What kind of life would Simon have, if Leanne and I are both miserable?"

Suddenly, his phone started to ring. As Peter glanced at it, Ken looked at him with sad resignation.

"It's her isn't it?"

Guiltily, Peter nodded.

"I'll take it outside."

Heading into the yard, he lit a much-needed fag. Suddenly exhausted, he collapsed against the wall as he answered the call.

_Sorry it's a bit dark this time – there's so much to draw on when Peter gets angry! Hope you enjoyed though..._


	4. Chapter 4

_It's been so long since I've updated this, so sorry for the delay… This is quite a short chapter to get back into it, but if you like please review and I'll try to write more!_

Still shaken from the confrontation with Ken, Peter pressed the phone against his ear, wondering how to break the news to Carla.

"Hey love."

He spoke as quietly as he could. His dad might still possibly keep the affair secret, but if Ken's neighbours heard him, it was all over.

"Hi darling.." she said, her voice husky, making him long to see her. "My plans changed if you're still free?"

Squeezing his eyes shut, he wished more than anything that he didn't have to tell her.

For an instant he found himself planning his escape. He'd walk off, leave the yard, abandon this conversation with Ken. In ten minutes he'd be with Carla. In twenty minutes he'd be in her arms, kissing her. Would he even need to tell her that Ken knew?

He opened his eyes, inhaling deeply from his cigarette, trying to calm his nerves.

"Peter?" she called, concerned at his silence.

He glanced through the window, seeing Ken at the table, now holding a picture of him with Leanne and Simon. The once-happy family. Reluctantly Peter realised he owed Carla the truth, now all their lies were about to come crashing down.

"There's a problem." he whispered into the phone, using his hand to shield his voice from anyone who might be nearby. "Dad knows…"

After a pause, he heard the alarm in her voice

"How much does he know?"

"He guessed enough. I had to tell him the rest." he said, ashamed for letting Carla down. "Don't panic though. I'm trying to persuade him to keep quiet."

Her worried sigh echoed loudly from the phone handset.

"Would it help if I came over?"

Taking another drag on his cigarette, he thought for a moment.

"I don't know." He considered how Ken might react. Realising it might exacerbate the situation, he came to a decision.

"Can you go to the factory instead? I'll meet you after, or I'll ring if I need you."

"Alright" she answered, a trace of sadness in her voice. ""I'll be at the factory in ten minutes. If you want me."

For the first time he realised how it might seem to her, and he kicked himself for his lack of understanding. He wished he had some privacy so could reassure her properly.

"This changes nothing you know. I made my decision in December and that's how it stays."

"I hope so..." she replied, but he was relieved to hear she sounded more upbeat. "Love you."

"You too"

He ended the call, and after a final drag, stubbed the cigarette out in determination, steeling himself to face Ken again.

.

As he walked back into the living room, his dad was leaning back in the chair, the photo pointedly in front of him.

Peter glanced quickly at it, then seeing the happy expression on Simon's six-year old face and Leanne's arm placed maternally around him, he looked away, filled with guilt.

"How's your mistress then?" Ken asked acidly, his face emotionless.

"I might have asked you that question many times" Peter shot back. Then restraining his anger he answered more calmly.

"Carla's OK. I told her you knew." He thought briefly, wondering whether he could say anything that might put her in a better light.

"She offered to come around, explain things, but I said it wasn't a good time."

"Not a good time.." Ken said incredulously. "I'm hardly going to welcome her with open arms. When Leanne and Simon know nothing."

Peter sighed. "That's not what we meant."

He hesitated a moment, then dreading the answer, he asked. "Have you decided what you're going to do dad?"

Ken looked at him, seeming to register the worn look on Peter's face, the emotional toll this conversation was taking on him. He moved his gaze to the photo again, then to the floor.

"I honestly don't know" he said. "Is there nothing I can say that might persuade you to try again with Leanne?"

He continued, bewilderment on his face. "I just don't see how you've given up on your marriage."

"Dad…" Peter pleaded. "I've told you already. It's not working with Leanne. It hasn't for a long time."

"Tell me again why you won't work things out?" At the authority in his voice, Peter relented, taking a seat opposite his father.


End file.
